might be going off to chalet in the night.
but that will have to depend whether im feeling alright.
if i aint feeling alright,
promised prince to stay at home to rest.
so that i can have fun tmr. (:

for now, im stuck in the comp lab.
doing some boring dreamweaver thingy.
okay. actually it's rather interesting.
just that im feeling too light headed to absorb anything.
shrugs-

i feel like im drifting and floating everywhere la.
i need an anchor.
i felt like biting people just now.
cos i was feeling irritated, partially becos of the noise.
also becos of overwhelming thoughts. -


sarang hae yo.

inezlau, you're not allowed to cry.
you're not allowed to cry over such silly things.
i dont wna cry over such small things.
but when all small things go wrong,
i just feel this sense of ----- i dont know.
erg.

i rly wna scream vulgarities now.
im really not feeling alright.
AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH.
where are you when i need you now?

someone was SUPPOSED to blog for me.
but apparently she din. POUTS-
))))))))))))): sniff sniff

IM BACK FROM CHALET!
did anyone miss me? ((:
glad to really sit down and have fun with them.
it's long since the few of us got together.
(: although it rained on the second day,
but there was much laughter too.
we went to escape,
but went back to chalet looking like we went to www.
HAHAS. we played in the rain. =D
that's the main reason why im sick now. =x

we drank hooch and barcadi like plain water can.
>< AND THIS TIME IM FULLY AWAKE!
other than when i stoned while bathing.
i wna go www some other time.
why do i love them so. (:
ohwells. theTENofus.


im at the doctor's now.
and i've got a doctor who cooks for me.
HAHAHAS.
others have those suave family doctor.
and i've got a silly and poofy doctor.
and the doctor is busy with her work.
so im left alone to stone.

okay. i need rest.
can i tell you where it hurts?

im gna go for chalet in like two hrs time?!
AND I HAVEN PACKED MY STUFF!
oh no. and here i am blogging.
ahwells. (: i'l be getting my due isolation from the world.
very soon. i just need some time away from the world.
away from the internet.

internet is just a facade. it's so easy to smile here.
(: see, there you go, another smile.
if only you knew what's going on deep inside.
im just so sick and tired of being upset alr.
not gna let any emotions overwhelm me.
even if it means locking my heart.
i wna be there to make ppl smile, catch their tears.
darling, i caught yours din i? (:

results were back, satisfied i guess. umm.
went out to marina square where two pigs started to EAT.
and now im like down with a sore throat.
walked to suntec, then to esplande.
AND WE SAW MANY STARS! i see your stardrops falling too.
will you catch those tears that fall from mine?
"isnt it better to have a zui ai than a star?"
this is how ego some can get. HAHAS.

then we went to eat WAFFLE ICECREAM (: BEAMS-
and guess who we saw! the spas CAT!
and i gave her, her bday present. (:
and off we went home.
quite a boring day aye. but there was much fun.
cos im with the one i love dearly. (:

oohs! i found out something, i dont ou seniors.
becos i've too much self love for myself!
HAHS. cos ou-ing is just another form of fantasy.
yourself is the only one that wont hurt you. wont make you pain.

when all laughter and smiles have faded,
pain is the only remaining constant.

i guess it's time i run far far away, find comfort in pain.

running so far away, you wont find me.

i just dont feel like going on anymore.
let's all just take a break.

TIME OUT.

i wont cry anymore. at least not in front of yall.
i wna be an obedient Daddy's girl. (:
first step, OFF TO BED.!

im supposed to be asleep now.
but i guess i just couldnt get to sleep.
no matter how much i tossed and turned.
-

Daddy, thank you for tiding me thru these three days.
it wouldnt have been possible without you.
i'd probably collapsed and fell straight into lucifer's trap.
but thank you for all those lil reminders.

im really tired.
mummy, thank you for all your msges.
they made me cry even harder. cos i was touched. (:
im glad i've you as my mummy.

charlotte too. our very own secret hiding place.
where only the two of us know the way.
OH, and Daddy too.

grace, your words hit me, in a good way.
many things seemed easier.
my burden definately lighter with you around.

zui ai. pain caused cant be reversed.
ther'l always be pain, as you've said.
at least, the shoulder was there when i needed it.
最爱只有一个，肯定的。
i'l take another chance and believe you.
becos i feel this way too. thank you my love.


fallen apart.
i guess that's what happening to me now.
but i know Daddy will piece me together.
but for now, i need to unleash my emotions.
i need to take a break from all that's coming. just a short while.
you aint going to see me crashing down.
tears may fall, but i wont fall.
no matter how tired, i'l walk thru this with Daddy.
and all my lovelys ard to help me.
lucifer, dream on abt locking me in.
i may lock my heart. but Daddy has the key.
my lovelys might find the key.
and you, will never ever make your way to my heart.
so give it up lucifer.

these two days is enough. to kill someone.
my knee has been hurting since xctry.
my head and my eyes have been hurting too.

what to say, what to do.
that i no longer know.
inezlau just ought to shut up i know.
but i just need a ranting space.
you can choose to not read it.

what's with me these few days? i dont know.
perhaps it was just my tiredness that got me down.
not to mention the heartbreaks.
i just dont understand why okay.
i know i'l be fine later on. i know.
but it's what that im feeling now. that hurts.
my expectations of ppl are just far too high.
i just dont wna repeat the same vicious cycle again.
it's tiring.

ppl said, they wont leave me alone in a crowd.
but yet. -
i've forgiven, and not dwelling on it.
but pls dont expect me to heal so fast.
these few days are torturous. endless flow of tears.
im sorry. for just being that ----- in your life.
Daddy, a lil help here.
im falling, im crashing. rly hard this time round.
will you catch me when i fall?


if you choose to walk away now,
i dont blame you.

je dois vous dire au revoir.
amour interdit.

yanhui's house is so comfortable to sleep in la.
tsk. i fell asleep for like one hr.
(: and there's two other dogs here with me.
one of which is mujia.
who cant stop 'barking'. TSK.
so not tamed and disciplined.
UNLIKE ME! (:

will be meeting zui ai later.
yawns- let's just hope she wont fall asleep.
hee. i know i wont. cos IM ENERGIZED ALR.
hahas.

this yr, many athletes din run for xctry.
and therefore resulting in me getting the 96th position.
hohos. but i think i ran a lil too hard.
cos my knee is suffering now. ):
im sorry knee. hee.

okay. i blog for the sake of blogging.
im tired. mentally.
i need Daddy.


lovelys for the day,
linxin, germ, mujia, yanhui, twin, pinghui, zuiai. (:

i shall practise how to smile.
that was just some random thought of the day.
shrugs-

today, i cant rly rmb what happened.
incidents of the lit play were blur.
could only vaguely rmb the jumpers' jamming.
rosemary only needed to play the tambourine.
>.<
she made me laugh. which is rare.

talked to nana for a while after recess.
my silly maid. she made it under 30. (:
thank you daddy. rly thank you.
i wna take away my maid's stress.

memories rly seem to be vague now.
i rly cant rmb what happened.
dinner was rather good though. much laughter.
HAHAS. ppl make me laugh pls.
malay ahbeng. tsk. and zanne the man.
she loves to touch me, or rather everyone.
HANDS OFF EVERYONE la. stupid man.


if only memories of the past could be as vague as this.
but i aint gna let them bring me down.
they affect me. but, they wont break me down.
although they caused me to tear, scream, shout, hurt, pain.
i can only learn to grow stronger. even when heartbreaks come.
pain will make one learn and grow.
learnt to shut those doors towards those who hurt me.
but, one last thing.
just, dont break my heart from within.
if you've entered, dont break it.
that heartbreak, i wont be able to take.


ppl in my life whom i've many thanks for.
zui ai; for making me feel loved every single moment. and just being there for me. my loveliest. <3
wenyi; for tiding thru this whole thing tgt with me.
adeline; for always being there and making me smile.
pinghui; for being that someone i can rant to.
celeste; for all your spas acts make my day. xD
tiffany; for just being my lovable one. (:
jeralynlim; for bitching and bring ppl to make me laugh.
charlotte; for sharing SECRETS with me.
boon; for all the lian things that you do.
peichun; for all attempts to see my smile.
yiying; for sharing a lil of your life.
and of course many more. (:


my smile is there becos of every single one on top.
and many other silent contributors.
OOHS! the most impt one lies above all.
my DADDY, never to be replaced.
feel the love and stay happy. (: i'l try my best.

ah ___ off.
i rly feel like screaming out everything.
would anyone hear my screams.
ah ___ you.

you say you love me,
but baby sometimes you're just saying the words.

people dont mean what they so.
so learn to accept it. ___

prince. where?
sighs-

sometimes everything that's happening ard,
is so dream like.
so dreamlike that i begin to wonder if it's true.
so dreamlike that i wonder if words are real.
if this is a dream,
ppl would usually say dont wake them up.
but, if this is all a dream,
just slap me awake. i dont wna go on.
cos, it'l only hurt even more when i wake up aint it?


i wna just sit down somewhere.
and think through everything.
i've been thinking abt the lies ppl told me.
in the past. but they still hurt.
when will ppl get sick of lying?
dont fake what you dont feel.

stayover was fun. got the chance to stargaze.
eight stars, lil but enough to make me smile.
thank you my love. the wall, it'l break.


off to sleep. i hope i can fall asleep that is.

HELLLLLLLLLO !
((:
okays. she just invaded to say hello.
sighs-
i dont feel like blogging all of a sudden.
stone age.

HAD BS TODAY! (:
BEAMS-

had it with secret partner!
BEAMS EVEN WIDER-
heehee. wonderful time spent with my secret partner.
i love her to bits.

we'l make a nice trade of secrets.
we'l be there, one msg away frm each other.
((: i wna continue talking to you la.
pouts- we'l have many more chances next time.
love you babe. (:


I FOUND YOUR MP3!
im so zai! pro-ed. whatsoever.
and i demostrated PI's power once again. (:
woosh. im so pro. why inez so pro.
ahwells. ego overwhelming.
today's a rather good day. you wont see the bad side.

love, me.

HOME SWEET HOME!
finally im like home, sitting comfortably in front of the comp.
IM TIRED. today was fun though.

we went to watch M I 3.
one conclusion: MAGGIE Q IS SO HOT!
woosh. she's like hot, piping hot, whatever.
adeline and wenyi wants her for their bday.
HAHAHAS. but i agree, she's way TOO hot man.
=D

i dont like the feeling of being lost.
请不要把我一个人丢在人群中，不要把我想得太勇敢。
haunting memories of the past is back.
BUT IT'S OVER. just dont do it again.

talked alot with mummy, adeline and malia today.
thank you for making me HIGH today.
very much loved today. walked alot, talked alot.


my prince will always be more impt than my knight.
i miss my prince. pouts-

i need sunday to come. unleash of emotions.

inez is currently still out of the house, so therefore this cant be her (:

inez saw many people she dont want to see todays
all the disgusting people
and inez is missing me alot
and she wants to see me

and i saw alot of people i wanted to see todays
all my lovelies
and i miss inez alot too
i want to see her
and i dont want her to be asked for number by guys
BAHHH
im jealous hurrh she's like mine so hands off
(eh we're not tgt)

im glad ive not been a failure at what ive been doing
not like someone, right inezlau?

i miss inez alot alot alot )):

milo dinosaurrr lah.
pooooof.

im looking forward to see you , love
(:

have you ever loved and lost somebody

love is the closest to magic.
that line is lovely. (:


today watched phantom of the opera.
umm, the music was good.
and i like the way they change frm scene to scene.
much laughter along the way.
the silly things we all do. HAHAHAS.

thank you lovelys for bringing joy to my life.
lovelys are mainly,
MUMMY! wenyi;
GIRLFRIEND! adeline;
MALIA! pinghui;
ROSEMARY! celeste;
DADDY! suting;

we got high. we remained low. (:
FUN! till i heard that song. caught me offguard.
umm mm. FOOD was good too.
tmr is schday. SCREAMS-
why do they have to do this to us? ):
i need a break, badly.

im still lost. ADELINE KOH, WHERE'S THE MAP?!
lost, and never to be found.
i wont allow myself to swing to the lowest.
i'l keep myself high. wont affect you with my emotions.

i sent out many mental notes, how many did you receive?

我喜欢星星的原因很简单，
因为它们是唯一永恒不变的东西。
unlike human's feelings, emotions and thoughts.

wooosh.
i realised i din blog abt yesterday.
that's cos i was too tired. hee.
ten hrs out with the same person. laughs-

okays, yesterday was quite laughable.
with my gossip partner and secret partner.
HAHAHAS. ther's so many secrets and gossips.
hee. xD
i stared at them study.
okay, they din study. cos the book sucked. oops.

umm, then walked ard chinatown pt.
and we ended up at the highest level.
sat there and stoned i guess.


we walked all the way frm chinatown pt to esplande.
i rly wonder how did we do that.
hmmm. but it was fun. laughing and talking. hee.
EH, you werent trying to be sweet.
you asked the baby to shut up. that's mean.
you're supposed to take sweet and hong the baby la.

i din stone the whole day away.
perhaps only half the day.
i dont know, i cant help but stone. or cry.
shrugs-

OH YEAH! i forgot to mention,
she made a mess out of the place where we ate our 'dinner'.
tsk. what can you expect frm a three yr old?


lovely day out with you. (:
next week it'l be lovely too.
and i promise i'l lessen the time i use to stone okay.
lalalalas. bouncing off with happy memories imprinted. <3

i love you, becos you bring the best out of me. (:

i tried.
but i cant.

IM LEAKING!
YOU BARNACLE!

hahahas. many things that made me laugh today.
i realise that sitting beside cel yeo in a movie is fun.
AND I WAS BEHAVING LIKE HER MAID.
ohwells. =D

outing today was fun.
all food and laughter. suppressed my pain unknowingly.
today was generally fine.
except that my body wasnt listening to me.


mummy caught me once alr.
only two more chances. eeep. =x
ahwells. i think i'l lose the bet.

"who needs raymond?
i've found two other guys to love me.
BENandJERRY."
HAHAHAS. aquamarine is so silly.
LIKE ME. =D

oohs. nana is in love with that raymond guy.
and i think aquamarine is rather hot.
umm. nods- mermaid.

i like staying underwater.
the peaceful feeling, isolated from the world.
you and the water only. and therefore you wont feel the pain.


that's abt it.
I WNA GO STARGAZING!
and someone promised to go with me after next wed.
YOU BETTER REMEMBER. glares-
(: off i go to SLEEP.

freak. my stomach hurts.
perhaps it's just moving the heartaches somewher else.

i just seem to get lost in thoughts everyday.
lost in my own emotions.
lost in the world of my own. pain.
ah whatever.

sometimes i feel like screaming at many ppl.
im sorry if i showed a black face to many.
but, i've been controlling myself if you haven realise.
AAAAHHH.
i need somewhere to scream.

the pact is so hard to accomplish.
mummy, i bet we both wont be able to do so.
at least i know i cant.
im just sick and tired of everything.


wher's everyone when i just need someone?
my body is failing on me. emotions overwhelming.
inezlau should just learn how to shut up.
thoughts ought to remain in. some are threatening to spill.

this time, tanwenqi invades.

i wna kill some sperms.
eeeep.
but they are too small to be seen i wna chop them up =/
see what biology does to people?

i miss you.
where are our happy times?
will they come, sunday?

HOMOZYGOUS AND HETEROZYGOUS!
these words dont even exist .
wth. ):

im having a splitting headache.

i miss inezlau.

studying drives ppl nuts i tell you.
one classic example,
three idiots were at pp macs laughing at bingo and hangman.
and those three idiots are namely,
kuanling, manyu and lydialiao.
sparstic freaks.

my head hurts due to too much of laughter.
now im at the low end.
HAHAHAS. they are funny ppl okay.

cedar primary dentist is super rough.
she got me bleeding.
and now my gums hurt. very badly. ):
and my knees aint listening to me too.
i need to see a doctor soon.


OH YAH! HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY MANYU.
i hope you liked my present. (:
and hope you had a fun time laughing with us.
hohohos.

my zui ai tou-qinged with her chem book,
and ignored me. how sad.
i feel so insulted. )):


im off to study now. or stone, either.