Since young, I have been reliant on friends for warmth, for company, for comfort because I am the only child in the family. Friends take up a major part of my life, major part of my emotions. I once told theTEN before, the reason why they are so precious to me is because they are like just like my sibilings. They are like my mirror, reflecting to me my weakness when I start to be cocky, reflecting to me my strengths when I am inferior.

There are many people who came and go in my life. Countless I would say. It is very sad because as I look back at all these friendships, I would still love for them to be in my life. Still be in every single frame of my life.

Though there are varying people in my life, there are also constants who held on and are still in my life :) Not intending to mention names this time round cos there are far too many things to tell each and every single one of them. There are some that I know what we are not really close, but I know I can always depend on you all when I fail. There are also some who have been active participants in my life, sharing my laughter and shedding my tears together with me. There are also some, who held my hand and walked me through everything, giving me hugs and nudging me along this bumpy road called life :)


I used to feel really tired for trying so hard. Trying so hard just to get old friends to go out together, trying so hard just to hold on to a person who's been drifting away. But now, I will do to the best of my ability to hold on to every single one of you. I know, "All man will fail someday". But as far as I know, friends will never disappoint as much as love does. (there was an exception but nevermind..)

To those who have slipped away from me, I am sorry for not holding on enough. Patricia, Wenn, Lydia .. I will never know if holing on back then will make things all better but I do regret that you girls are not in my life anymore. It would be all lies if I say I won't feel sad as I see all the letters and gifts that you gave.


I miss my friends. My friends who laugh at me. My friends who say I am a joke. My friends who bully me like there's no tomorrow. My friends who make me cry ever so easily.

Why do I love them so much then?

Because they dote on me like no other, they protect me like no other. They provide me a shelter, a shoulder when I need someone to be there to just cry to. They let me run up to them, hug them and break into a bawl. When they hear unjust stories that are going on in my life, they feel angst for me, they want to protect me. Thanks friends. Really. Without you girls, I wouldn't be the girl I am.


P.S: I bet my Boyfriend will feel jealous cos it's one whole post on friends yet again. HAHAS. (though I secretly think he doesn't read my blog anymore :( )

Almost everyone around me is troubled with the problem called love. Whether is it neglect, whether is it two-timing, whether is it misunderstanding, whether is it not enough understanding, all these problems are just surfacing all around me. Sometimes I really thank God that my Boyfriend is overseas cos when I see my friends, they remind me of what happens when too much time is spent with your other half and what happens when too much is expected of your other half.

After seeing what my friends are going through now, it scares me you know. Like how some people can just change overnight, some things can just be destroyed in a split second after you have made a choice. It's as if they can harden their hearts and lock you out in a fraction of a second. The human brain, is so scary. The human heart, is so vulnerable. We cry, we kick up a big fuss, we torture ourselves, but all these, do you even see it? Do you even care? It's really scary.

To you out there, (you'll know if you're that person)
Darling, I know you are fighting really hard. I can see it in your eyes, I can see it in your actions, I can see it in you. But it really hurts me, really hurts your friends when we see you torture yourself. I don't know. I know you feel bad for having to burden us to take care of you. But remember what you told her? "Sometimes I really think you treat me as Superwoman". You can be a superwoman in front of her. You can be understanding in front of her. You can be mature in front of her and help her come to a decision. But darling, in front of me, a friend for 6 years and counting, I don't need your facade. I would rather you break down and just cry it all out once and for all rather than keeping it in and letting your emotions go on a haywire rollercoaster. Just want you to know that all of us truly cares and we would love to share your pain if it will make you hurt less. I am sorry for being useless and not helping much but babe, if you need me, you know my number yeah?


Love, is really a very complex problem.

Why is everyone chasing it then?

It's like, after looking at all the painful examples that are around us, why do we still fight so hard just to become beaten and torn and tattered all over again? It's really damn sad how girls just hold on to a relationship just by that ONE strand of hope. Guys, yall will never understand how painful it is to hang on by false hopes. It's like, one moment, you are nice to her and she'll be damn happy and the next moment, you treat her like shit and all the happiness falls apart. Fuck. If you don't love her, don't torture her by telling her you don't understand, that you don't know. It's damn torturous you know.

And just to make things clear, I am not just talking about one case here. So please don't go thinking that you are the one that I am criticising unless, of course, you have a gulity conscience.


I am in no position to judge because I always believe that in a relationship, only the two parties involved know best what's going on. It's like when people tell me, "why he so bastard. how can he say such stuff", it's not like I will feel the exact way because I know of certain things that he did that makes me know that it's not intentional and all. I am just feeling really heart pain for suffering friends. you know the feeling? The feeling of seeing your friend cry, and you will just cry along? It's bloody painful. Especially if she's your close friend you know.

And boys, read this.
If you still love the girl, please do not be a fucking bastard and give all the bloody noble shit like "I am a jerk, the next guy will be better. You deserve better." I really think that guys just like to feel more superior. Like you just want the girl to feel damn shit and you'll fucking push all the blame onto the girl and make her feel like she did you wrong when actually in fact YOU were the one who inflicted the hurt, caused the pain and threw her into suffering. BOYS. You just want girls to beg for you, and tell you that they can't live without you right? Don't give us all that shit if you love us okay. Like, cherish us. Don't keep thinking that we will always be there and hence you can torture us as much as possible and we'll still hold on.


And girls
If you think it's really too painful, please let go. I know it's hard. Because I am not even sure if I can do it if all that shit happened to me. But, please don't heal your wounds in secret and keep putting strong front in front of the boys. Please, when the wounds are hurting too much to bear, don't cling on to that false hope.


To my darlings out there,
Please take care. I love you loads.


Btw, I didn't quarrel with Boyfriend. Just, thoughts.

Bloody blog not allowing me to post up pictures. Would love to post a picture of the Old Cedar, post pictures of my favourite friends, post pictures of my favourite food.

Just to make myself a little happier.

But since they don't allow. Bye world. You won't get to know what I love the most.